Fitness Journey- 27 to 37

Before my daughter was born I ran regularly, and lifted weights in the gym three times a week. I also commuted by bicycle. I started that habit around age 27, and I continued those habits throughout my pregnancy at age 30 (but gave up the bike near the end of my pregnancy when my cervix started to dilate, for no other reason than I felt creeped out by sitting on the little bike seat with that knowledge. It makes no sense, I know). I also continued working my abs throughout my pregnancy (just not in the lying on my back position). I was lifting weights in the gym the day before I started labor (normal vaginal birth, 5 hours heavy labor, two of those hours pushing- no problems and unusually quick for a first time mother).

I was good about waiting the 6 weeks after birth to get the OK for exercise from my doctor, and went back to working out (well, mostly good, I did start working on sucking my abs in from the day after birth to hasten the return of a flat stomach). Finding time to work out was more difficult with a baby, so I got back slower than I planned. I lifted free weights at home, and did workout videos.  Once my daughter was big enough to ride in the jogging stroller I went back to running. My workouts soon dwindled to just running, a habit that stuck for years. The problem with just running is that it only works a limited set of muscles. My upper body was becoming especially weak.

One day, while reading a thread about exercise in a forum, I came across a very different workout that someone had linked. The workout was named “Hot to Trot”. It was only 12 minutes long. 12 minutes! I could squeeze that into my schedule! I tried the workout. It was hard, and I was so sore the next day, and the day after that, and even the third day (and beyond...but I do have issues with my muscles that contribute to abnormal healing times). Anyway, I was hooked. Luckily the site that workout was on had many more workout videos. They were all short and most used only bodyweight. Perfectly suited for doing at home while my daughter took a nap. The site of course, is BodyRock.tv. Back then Zuzana was the host (she is no longer with BodyRock.tv and has her own workout channel now on YouTube and her fitness website). I did BodyRock workouts about 4 times a week, and saw amazing results. I started off with modifications for a lot of the exercises, but in a short amount of time I was doing push ups from my toes instead of my knees, and I was even seeing a few ab muscles.

I had a break from these lovely workouts when I had other health problems, but now I am trying to get back. Throughout my health problems (the worst of my health problems, I still have milder issues), the only exercise I had was from martial arts practice and horseback riding, and some yoga more recently.  Then I injured my ankle and ended up on crutches with a giant rigid boot to wear.  Now that I have the OK to exercise again (actually due to my other health problems, a requirement to exercise regularly and to do yoga daily) I am getting back to my activities.  I have to wear an ankle brace, for months while my ligaments heal, though.  I have gone back to my activities and have started daily yoga.  Soon I will be starting ZWOWs. Those are what Zuzana calls her new workouts, and a few BodyRock routines. I am one of those who prefers the older BodyRock workouts to the new ones. I don't like complex reps, I'm uncoordinated enough that I constantly mess them up. One burpee as one rep is fine, but when it gets to: “Jump sideways over this object, do two push ups, then one squat jump, then one side lunge to the left, then jump back over the object to the other side, do two more push ups, a squat jump, and a side lunge to the right. Repeat that sequence 4 times, then do 10 high knees, then go back to the first sequence...” it just becomes too much like dancing and I totally botch it. I'd rather do 50 seconds of side to side jumps, 50 seconds of push ups, 50 seconds of jump squats, 50 seconds of side lunges, and 50 seconds of high knees (& repeat that sequence). It's impossible for me to mess it up when it's straightforward like that.  I also might try the 100 push ups and 50 pull ups programs.  I tried the pushups one before, with great results (though I didn't get to finish it because I got sick for a couple of weeks and lost all the strength I had built...fast loss of strength is another one of my issues, I don't think most people go from doing >20 pushups on their toes, to <10 on their knees just from two weeks of rest).

Some links:

ZWOWs: http://www.youtube.com/user/ZuzkaLight
Zuzana's website: http://zuzkalight.com/

BodyRock: http://www.bodyrock.tv

100 Push Ups: http://hundredpushups.com/ (There is also an app for this, which is what I have).

50 Pull Ups: http://50pullups.com/ (I actually have an app, which has a slightly different program, but this is free and the app isn't. I think this will work just as well, and uses only a pull up bar).

The Hot to Trot workout*: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XykeKSf5Dtc

http://www.bodyrock.tv/2010/06/02/hot-to-trot-workout/ (if you want the written description)

* Zuzana goes over the exercises & proper form at the end of the video.

My Recent Diet Shift

As you may know, I must adhere to a gluten free diet (see this post for background information). After learning that I must be on a gluten free diet for the rest of my life I purged my kitchen of all gluten-containing foods. It lurks in many places, including things as surprising as soy sauce. I replaced what I could with gluten free versions, and bought plenty of gluten free grain products, because wheat and other gluten containing grains had been my primary diet for as long as I had control over my food. I did spend my first two gluten free weeks on a gut healing diet (well, the first week was mostly only liquids because I took an iron pill which caused horrible pain for days).

My health slowly (very slowly) improved. It has not yet been a year since I have been on a gluten free diet, and it was a rocky start, too. I got accidentally glutened a couple of times, and learned to avoid most restaurants. I then went on an international vacation, and did well until I misread the ingredients list (hey, it was in a language I don't really know). Now I know that I get trouble with peripheral neuropathy, among other problems from the type of gluten in barley (It's months later and one of my big toes hasn't fully regained feeling yet). After that trip I began to realize that I have to be even more careful, because gluten containing products could have been used in the manufacturing of things I wouldn't suspect, and cause me problems from cross-contamination.

I soon also realized that I need to be careful about breathing flour dust. One day I found a container of flour I had missed on my earlier gluten purge. I opened the container and dumped the flour into the trash. I smelled the flour in the air, and I got a return of my symptoms. Now I know I must be careful wherever flour dust could be in the air. More recently I also found that many things like skin and hair care products can contain gluten. I had to get rid of my favorite conditioner (but my skin and scalp are happier now that I have purged all gluten containing products).

One problem did start to appear after months on a gluten free diet. I started to put on a little extra fat. Not OK with me! I had been concerned that weight gain could be a problem on a gluten free diet, because the replacements for wheat typically are lower in fiber and higher in carbohydrates and starches than wheat products. I decided I needed another diet, and began to look into a modified version of the paleo diet. My plan was to cut out grains and replace them with fruits, vegetables, and protein sources. This kind of helped, but not quite enough.

Extremism here I come! I decided to cut out sugar, and foods that my body readily converts to sugar. So, that means no sugar, honey, sweet fruits, legumes, protein powder or starchy vegetables (and no grains of course). I have been following that diet for three weeks. The first week was very hard, because I've been a major sugar addict for my entire life. I felt dizzy and weak. But I got over it, and then felt healthier than ever. I have been eating vegetables, meat, eggs, tart berries, and nuts as my primary diet. I have not cut out dairy. I still will use ghee, butter, cheese, yogurt, and kefir. But I have noticed that aside from butter and ghee, cow milk products make me very sleepy and tired. I do fine on goat milk products, though. What about the fat? Well, I have been enjoying delicious butter on my food, and the fat is melting off my body. Even the lower back fat pads that no amount of exercise has touched for decades are shrinking. I'm already fairly thin looking, but I know how big my underlying frame is (tiny), so I know that it is not unsafe for me to be getting thinner. I'm also loving the increase in visible muscle definition!  

After three weeks on my new extreme diet I have decided to allow a small amount of fruit back in, but now a bit of fruit is like a dessert, and too much makes me feel off- like I just ate too much cake. So I don't have sweet fruits every day, and when I do it is in small amounts. The hardest thing has been redoing my green smoothies. I had green smoothies once or twice a day since going gluten free. Unfortunately they were like sugar bombs! Even though I added no sugar or sweetened things to them, they had so much sweet fruit like banana, and pure fruit juices, that the glycemic index was high in them. I still haven't come up with a green smoothie recipe that is low glycemic and tastes good- but I'm trying. I had a good one in Scandinavia, so I know it's possible.

I plan to stick about 90% to my extreme diet, and simply make it a part of my lifestyle. I won't permanently say no to honey, just because I have a few jars of really yummy raw honey and specialty honey that I don't want to waste. After they are gone I won't be buying any more, though. I also plan to do a bit of intermittent fasting. I've read some good things about it, and some days I get so busy I forget to eat anyway. This is so far away from my past diet! I used to put 8 spoonfuls of sugar on my breakfast cereal (types that already had some sweetness to them at that). When I worked really hard on my will power to get it down to three spoonfuls I thought I was doing great! Ha ha!

ETA:  I discovered that raw cow milk does not make me sleepy...odd.  But I still don't plan to include milk much in my diet anyway.

:)

Don't Forget to Vote

This is just a short reminder to those in the U.S., please remember to vote, and take the time to research your ballot.  I already voted (mail in absentee ballot), and it definitely helps to research what you're voting on!

It also helps me to avoid as many political ads as possible (maybe easier for me because I don't have tv).

:)

Costumes Galore!

Halloween is one of my favorite holidays, for the sole reason that it is an excuse to wear a costume.  In the previous years I took the time to hand-make elaborate costumes for my daughter.  Last year she was a cheetah, and the year before that she was Rapunzel, and before that, a flower.  This year she wanted a fairy costume she saw in a store, and I was low on time, so she wore a store bought costume.

My daughter's previous home-made costumes:

A Flower, as per her dictation (but I had no facepaint).

A cheetah (with her painted pumpkin, already rotting in the heat).

This year I wore a costume that I put together at the last minute, out of items I had on hand.  I used a black petticoat, a few long rectangular scarves, a black tunic, a red fancy corset, my riding boots, face paint, make-up, and ribbons.  I also carried one of my more interesting walking sticks.  Here is the result:

It was fun to take my daughter trick or treating in this costume.  Much better than last year.  Last year I bought a white costume gown with a headdress, and wore it with a huge bra and silicone breast inserts (I didn't fill out the costume without that).  I used that for taking my daughter trick or treating, but I went to a Halloween party as Princess Leia.  

Here's a bit of last year's trick or treating look:

The most elaborate Halloween costume I remember was my unicorn costume.  My Mom made it with homemade paste and newspaper, with wire forms; and then painted it.  It was life sized (as in the size of a horse's head), and a bit heavy to wear for a long time, but I loved it (and so did my sister...my Mom had to make two of course).

The only other Halloween thing we did this year was to carve a pumpkin.  I waited to buy a pumpkin until the day before (because the Jack 'O Lanterns mold fast in this hot, humid climate).  I cut the top open and scooped out the seeds and pulp (roasted the seeds).  After it was well cleaned out I let my daughter draw the lines she wanted me to cut, then I cut on her lines with a sharp knife.  Below are two of the photos of this year's pumpkin.  One in the dark with a candle lit inside, and one outside in the sun.  It only took one day for the inside of the pumpkin to grow large amounts of mold.  First white mold, then black mold.  Last night the pumpkin pretty much disintegrated (I know I should have cleaned it up earlier, but I hurt my ankle and the doctor has me on crutches waiting for the x-ray results, so I couldn't lift the pumpkin to get rid of it).

I hope you enjoyed your Halloween, too.

:)

Reach...a little more...

     Stretching, in case you couldn't guess by the title, is what this post is about.  I neglected stretching in the past, as I think many people likely do.  But skipping stretching is not a good idea, and can increase your risk of injuries.  Your body will thank you if you keep it flexible.  Just remember to warm up before stretching.  Now, here is my quick stretching history:

     I have always considered myself to be rather inflexible. I went through a period of not exercising (or stretching) for a few years (early 20's). Even though I didn't get fat, I couldn't touch my toes with my legs straight. Terrible. Once I started to exercise again I stretched regularly, and could soon touch my toes again. I didn't really push beyond that, though. Even in martial arts, because at that time I was doing mostly weapons based training (well, I did stretch my arms daily then).

     A few years ago I found BodyRock.tv, and followed Zuzana's stretching routine after the workouts, with the intention of getting more flexible (somehow she instilled that desire in me). I could slowly reach more and more past my toes with my legs straight, and I gained improvement in a couple of other stretches too. It was not long before I joined a new martial arts school and my flexibility then became important. I worked very hard at my flexibility and eventually got my head to my knees (both with legs straight in front of me, and with legs straight and held wide apart)! I then turned my attention to the splits (both types). I am slowly, slowly getting closer to achieving them with a lot of stretching work.

     The rest of my body was somewhat neglected in favor of my legs until I found BodyRock Flow with Teshia. She is amazingly flexible, and though I would love to be as flexible as she is, I may not have the genetics for that. Anyway, I love doing her flow routines, and they have really helped me to gain flexibility in other areas, such as my hips and back.

     Through experience I have learned that I feel much better when I am stretching regularly. The more flexible I get, the better I feel. This is enough motivation to continue with stretching and yoga (at least with Teshia's style of yoga, I didn't feel much benefit from the type of yoga I tried in the past). Everyone is different, and what works for me may not work for others, but I really do suggest daily stretching or yoga! It just feels so good (and staying flexible helps reduce sports injuries too).

Some links:

Zuzana's stretching routine: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JCg2UDQQPLI

Warm up routine from Zuzana: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rwLZx2INl8E

Stretching towards splits: http://www.ifafitness.com/stretch/stretch7.htm

BodyRock Flow routine: http://www.bodyrock.tv/2012/08/09/good-time-flow-yin-yoga-practice/

(Warning...the BodyRock site has tons of embedded videos, so if you have an ancient computer like me, it will take a long time to load).

:)

Insidious Sustenance

Note: This was originally written on May 5, 2012.

     In high school I sat in the back row in every class, doodling in my notebook. I almost always finished all of my homework in 'study hall' (an optional class in which everyone sits in the cafeteria, required to be silent, and can work on whatever they want to). Then I would run home as fast as possible (to beat my sister to the remote control- whoever possessed the remote control got to decide what programs to watch on the tv). I made a giant unhealthy snack with the tv remote stuffed in a pocket, and then watched cartoons until dinner. Guess what? I still made the honor roll.

     I had a great time in college, and finished my last BS easily (as I expected to). I even had no trouble succeeding in graduate classes as an undergraduate. I did research, I remembered everything. I could quickly skim my notes before an exam and easily ace the exam. I had one class where the professor made exams that required us to actually think and solve problems we had never seen before, and I loved that (the other kids, not so much, some of them were even giving death threats to that professor).

     I started my MS like that, too. Something began to change, though...and it was me. The first thing I noticed was that I started getting sick more frequently than I normally did, then I started to get episodes of brain fog. At first I assumed maybe the classes were just getting harder, but I had just aced a difficult grad class, which even PhD students had dropped, saying "it's too hard, there's no way I'll get a good grade". I analyzed my situation, and no, it was not my classes, my TA position, my RA position, or my research. It was me.

     I decided to push through, but it got harder for me. By the time I finished my MS my concentration and memory issues had begun to increase, so I held off on my plans to go for my PhD, and decided to stay home while I regained my health (I was erroneously assuming I had some kind of burn-out issue, even though I loved getting degrees).

     Over the next few years my health got worse and worse. I was mired in brain fog more and more. The people around me who knew me as a smart person were getting irritated with me, thinking I wasn't paying attention to what they said, thinking I was pretending not to remember, thinking I was being lazy.

     I was getting sick more and more. I would get a sore throat, fever, and congestion. No one exposed to me would catch it. After two weeks of it I would get healthy, but my happiness started getting subdued, because I had less and less healthy time between sickness over time. Pretty soon I had one week of health between two or three weeks of sickness.

     I tried cutting out sugar (it reduces immune system function for some time after consuming it). I started adding fruit to my diet, and then I started adding vegetables. No change. I was still slowly deteriorating. I came across the idea of a green smoothie on an Internet forum. It seemed like a great idea to sneak in even more vegetables, so I decided to have one large green smoothie a day, in place of either breakfast or lunch. I still didn't get any healthier, but I noticed something odd that would later become significant: I didn't get mild nausea after consuming a green smoothie. I didn't mention that issue yet; I had nausea after every meal for years. With no other trouble I maintained that it must be related to my odd gut issues (doctors generally said they didn't know what was wrong, or that I possibly had IBS).

     Back to my other issues. In addition to the cognitive problems and illness issues, my hair was falling out (which was/is very upsetting to me). I got sick for two and a half months (by this time you had better believe I had been to the doctor and had bloodwork done, but the doctor found nothing wrong and said "maybe you're just unlucky").

     No one else caught this from me, so obviously my immune system was trashed. I was, at this point, so glad that I had documented everything (I made pages of graphs and charts and notes) from the start of the year (2011). I finally got better on vacation (in the Swiss Alps, actually). How interesting that I got better while sleeping in a frost covered tent, while hiking all day, and not eating much.

     After I got back I went through all of my documentation to try to figure this problem out (really difficult when I feel like my thoughts are mired in fog, and they move and wisp away as I try to grasp them- how I wished for the images in my mind to be crisp and clear like they once were). Anyway, I started to suspect diet. Remember that green smoothie? Why didn't it make me nauseous? I looked into my diet, and decided that it could be wheat. I ate wheat every day, in every meal- except the green smoothie.

     As difficult as it was, I cut wheat out of my diet. I stopped getting sick. I was healthy for one entire month and I was elated! I found the problem! But had I? I still had brain fog, though not as bad, I still didn't feel as strongly healthy as I had in the far distant past, and some wheat free meals still made me nauseous. I didn't understand what the problem could be until one of my friends mentioned her son's problems with gluten. Gluten... could that be it? I tried to cut gluten out of my diet (not an easy task, by the way, when it used to be in every meal). I kept getting accidental exposures to it, but the good thing was that I found the problem!

     After almost two months of an attempted gluten-free diet, I felt the need to confirm my problem with the doctor. So I went to the doctor and brought along the papers with everything I had documented from all of 2011, and papers I had documented from my diet trials in 2012, and a list of the problems I had over my entire life. That seemed like overkill, but I really wanted answers.

     My doctor said he thinks I might have celiac disease, and he wanted me back on gluten for 6 weeks. After 6 weeks on gluten I could get my blood drawn for testing. Those were a terrible six weeks! My symptoms came whirling back, seemingly even worse than before. I did it anyway, got blood drawn, and went back to the doctor. We discussed my symptoms, and he said it really sounds like celiac disease, but my blood test said no. He wanted me to get small intestine biopsies done, but I felt so weak at that point, I said no to the biopsies. The doctor told me I should stick to the gluten-free diet anyway, because of my symptoms.

     After that I read somewhere that the celiac blood test gives false negatives 7 out of 10 times, and only tests for reactions to two of the gliadins (IgA and IgG), although there other gliadens in gluten that could be the problem for an individual. So maybe I really do have celiac disease, maybe I don't, but I definitely need a gluten free diet!

     Now, off of that tangent and back to my cognitive function. It is improving, but I am still not back to my old self. I know there is a possibility that I may never fully recover in this area, but I desperately hope to. I can remember how I once was, and it is very sad to lose that.

Links for more information on gluten intolerance:

http://glutenintoleranceschool.com/
http://www.glutenfreesociety.org/
The Gluten Free Society has some informative videos that are free to watch.  It is not free to join their forum, though.

The Movies

Note: This was originally written on June 4, 2012.

     For the first time in over ten years, I went to a movie with my husband, just the two of us. Since our daughter was born I had been to the movies as a family only a few times, to cartoon movies that our daughter would enjoy. We don't do that very often because our daughter prefers to wait and buy the movies to watch at home later, over watching them in the theater when they come out. Prior to her birth we rarely went to movies together because there are few movies I care to see, and our taste in films differs. My husband typically watches movies with friends or alone.

     We went to see "The Very Best Marigold Hotel". I really did enjoy the movie, even though it made me feel a little emotional. I enjoyed it because I have been to India a few times, and I have brought along friends to India for vacations. It was fun to see the characters' different personalities and how each one handled the situation. It also made me feel more inclined to go on another trip to India. There are so many parts of India that I have not yet seen.

     Back to the movies... There are some upcoming movies I do want to see. One is "Brave". Yes, it is one of the cartoon movies that my daughter will like, but I suspect I will like it too. I also look forward to "The Hobbit". I already read the book (a chapter at a time) to my daughter. Probably slightly scary for bedtime stories, but she enjoyed it nonetheless. One excuse for doing so was that I wanted my daughter to know the original story before seeing the movie (I try to stick to that rule when I can). My other excuse was that I wanted it fresh in my mind, as I last read it when I was a kid. I also would have gone to see the 3D releases of the Star Wars movies, but 3D gives me a headache if I watch it for more than a few minutes (probably due to my slightly messed up vision).

     One last thing, I found that watching a movie in the theater is much more enjoyable if I wear earplugs. I do have sensitive ears, and usually the volume levels in theaters is physically uncomfortable for me. Earplugs also have added benefit of discouraging my husband from talking to me during the movie. I just remembered, that was one of the reasons I stopped going to the movies with him in the first place.

:)

Update:  I did enjoy "Brave".  Now I'm eagerly awaiting "The Hobbit".

Bralessness- an update

     Hello again! It is now late in October and I last wore a bra in April. When I first stopped wearing bras (primarily for comfort reasons) I switched to shelf camisoles. They were a good transition because they have a double layer of cloth in the chest area, and only a light band of elastic (which is not nearly as uncomfortable as a bra band). They also work under shirts or sweaters in situations where a high level of modesty is desired (the darker the color, the less shows; for example, my black camisoles look almost like I have some kind of bra on, but my lavender camisoles show my nipples and some of my breast shape quite obviously).

     I used shelf camisoles all summer, including on my vacations (First a trip to Minnesota, then a big trip to the UK, Denmark, Norway, Sweden, and Finland, with a final stop in Amsterdam).  The camisoles work great under my uniform in martial arts class, and work fine as a stand alone shirt any time it's hot out. They provided me with a gradual increase in my confidence. Gradually letting me get used to my nipples being noticeable (but not as noticeable as with only one layer of cloth), and smooshing my breasts just enough to obscure their natural shape (because I am still working on getting used to natural breast shape over the artificial shape seen almost everywhere). They allowed enough movement that I experienced some benefits of bralessness, like a massive reduction in pre-menstrual breast soreness, and a firming up of my breast tissue.  I also no longer get a sweat rash between my breasts (I used to get that even though I am not ample enough to have cleavage).

     There were no problems over the summer with my choice of clothing from other people, either. I was mentally prepared for issues, because my choice to go braless goes against the mainstream. But then, I've never been one for going with the mainstream. Anyway, I am happy to report no problems (unless you would count the guy I crossed on the running path, who looked very happy about crossing me, as a problem- I don't count that as a problem).

A new development:

     Recently I have been getting annoyed by the light elastic band in my shelf camisoles, so I decided to ditch those too (well, I might just cut the shelf liner out of my favorites). It feels so freeing to have nothing constricting my chest. When I was walking to pick my daughter up from school on the first day that I went outside with only one layer of cloth between my breasts and the outside world, I thought “Wow, this feels so comfortable, I bet my upper body feels as comfortable as a man's right now.” Yes, that's really the thought that went through my mind, a few times. I was just amazed at how good it felt. Especially when the breeze entered my shirt sleeve for a moment (I was wearing a nerdy regular T-shirt, not a fitted T-shirt).

     Another benefit I have just noticed, is that what looked like a permanent dent around my ribcage where my bra-strap used to sit, has disappeared. My back looks smooth with clean lines now. Now all that's left is to get more used to my natural breast shape since, obviously, they did not grow in the shape that bras tend to push breasts into. That bra-induced shape is what I've seen on myself for so many years now (especially in the last few years, when I had more expensive bras), it's an adjustment that may take a little time, but my comfort and health are so important.  Bralessness is permanently a part of me now (I admit I may, on some years, use a bra as part of a Halloween costume, just like I sometimes wear a corset at the Renaissance Fair).  I have listed below some links that contain useful information about going brafree, including the health benefits.

Please keep my comment policy in mind if you wish to leave a comment. :)

http://goingbraless.net/  (If you plan to go braless, the forum is supportive and has useful information).

http://www.brafree.org/research.html  (Scroll down for lists of research article references).

http://www.007b.com/  (This site also has photo galleries of natural breasts- a great counter to the flood of commercialized images we are typically exposed to).

On Bralessness

Note: This was originally written in May, 2012.

     Yep. No bra. I am not wearing a bra today. I haven't worn one for three weeks. Not even in my little black dress which I wore to a Broadway show.

     Guess what? My breasts are starting to feel fuller, and look more even. I am not worried about future sagging. Bra or no bra, we all get old eventually and then everything will go south no matter what. I have actually seen, in person, tribal women who have never worn bras. There was nothing wrong with their breasts; and when considering different age groups, I saw no difference there with what I have seen in gym locker rooms in this country (not counting artificial breasts of course, I'm only talking about natural breasts here).

     So why should I wear a bra? To hide my nipples? Why? Everyone has nipples. They are normal. Sure, a few people get freaked out by them, and I'm sure some guys won't be able to take their eyes off of them. But, I don't think those are good enough reasons for me to go back to wearing a bra. I am not here to please other people's eyes, nor do I wish to be uncomfortable to prevent random males from ogling at me. To prevent sagging? That's not even true (that bras will prevent sagging), and there is even some evidence that sagging will happen sooner if bras are worn.

     After two weeks of not wearing a bra, I tried on one of my favorite bras. I used to wear it all the time (and indeed it is pretty- a nice silk one I bought in London). It was almost unbearably uncomfortable! Even my loosest sports bras felt very uncomfortable. It reminded me of those early insults to my being. First, when my mom said "You have to start putting on a shirt when you go outside!” She said something about getting older, and upcoming puberty... I really don't remember everything she said because I felt crushed when I heard that I could no longer run around shirtless like the boys. It felt like the end of my freedom. The second blow was the training bra. I hated it. It was so uncomfortable and held sweat against my skin. It did it's job. Through being forced to wear that awful thing I eventually came to accept wearing a bra. I wore them all through my teens and twenties, though they never fit right. The cups were never the right shape for my very firm unsquishable breasts, and the band always rode up my back.

     After I had a baby at age 30, I had a much bigger cup size (I breastfed), but the same band size. Finding a fitting nursing bra was impossible!  After weaning, my breasts went back to the exact size they were before, except they were not super firm anymore, I could squish them into bra cups. Eventually I also figured out my real bra size: 30D. No wonder those 34B's never fit right. The fitters in the US almost always told me 34B, by the way, unless the store had 32C's, in which case the fitter would then tell me that my size was 32C. I was properly fitted at a specialty bra shop in London. If you are from the US, you would be utterly amazed by the range of bra sizes they have.

     Anyway, I went a little off course there, now back to the topic of not wearing a bra. I have gone braless for a few martial arts classes (punching & kicking, and grappling), horseback riding, and some jogging. I have done the first four ZWOWs (can be found on this YouTube channel) with no bra, with jumping jacks for warming up. No issues. No pain, no unpleasant bouncing. I suspected that would be the case, because in the fall I ran the Bare Dare in nothing but running shoes. It was not a problem for me at all.

     I understand that we are all different, and there will always be some women who prefer to wear a bra, and that's totally fine. I think it is also totally fine to go braless, and I think that it should always be a valid and accepted choice.

I realize this is a sensitive topic for some.  Please keep my comment policy in mind if you decide to leave a comment.

:)

Star Wars Weekends

Note: I wrote this a few months before posting it.

Oh boy, I love being a nerd!  I don't live too far from Disney World, and the last few weekends have been Star Wars Weekends at Hollywood Studios.  Yay!  The whole family enjoys it.  On the first weekend that we went, we saw the Darth Maul show (called "Visit to the Mall").  I was afraid my daughter would be bored with it, but she loved it.  She was on the edge of her seat, and became a big Darth Maul fan by the end of it.  I really wish I had video recorded her reenacting some of Darth Maul's moves with a toy double-ended light saber.  She did a great job!  It looked extra cool because I had her hair in two round high buns (not the same style that many associate with Princess Leia).

We also went on Star Tours many times.  I was absolutely thrilled that I was the rebel spy on one of the rides.  It was even a great photo (I had a cool suspicious look because I was trying to find the camera).  It got even better because the incoming transmission was from Yoda.  Those 3D glasses made it look like Yoda was pointing right at me.  That was so cool!  After that particular ride I had my fun extended because of a child.  I heard a little boy behind me asking his mom who the rebel spy was.  His mom pointed to me as I turned my head to look at him.  He gasped with surprise, so I just smiled and turned my head back to the front.  I managed to keep myself from giggling as I overheard the kid asking his mom all kinds of questions about me.  He was young enough to really believe the ride was real and that I really was a rebel spy.  It was so fun.

The next weekend that we went I wore my hair in the style Princess Leia wears on cloud city, when they encounter Vader.  It looks like a bun with two looped braids under it.  This time we watched the celebrity motorcade in the morning, and then spent time enjoying the characters and taking nerdy photos with them.  The only bad time was when I was getting my photo with Darth Vader.  My daughter was terrified that I was in a line to 'meet' Darth Vader, and she cried for most of that time, thinking Vader would do something bad to me (my husband took her to see other things, but she was still worried about me).  I thought that was funny that she loves Darth Maul and Ventress, but is terrified of Darth Vader.  I did give her plenty of comforting and reassurance after I got my photos with Darth Vader.

The third time we went to the Star Wars Weekend event, my husband was the rebel spy on one of the Star Tours rides.  He got the incoming transmission from Admiral Ackbar.  He enjoyed it, but now our daughter is getting really eager to be the rebel spy on that ride.  Our last visit is coming up at the end of this week.  We just have the Florida Resident Seasonal Passes, which have blackout dates for pretty much any day that kids have off from school.  That means we can't go for the entire summer,  during spring break, and during major holidays.  Oh well, I will enjoy what I can.

:)
June 4, 2012

Temptation Won

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     Today I got my latest BAF (Body Art Forms) order! I am stretching my 14g seconds up to 12g (actually, they were already ready for the 12g size due to the earrings I had in them for the last month being prominent, and therefore moving around a lot). So that part was easy. Since I didn't really have to stretch my seconds, I decided to stretch my firsts. 8g to 6g is much bigger of an increase than 14g to 12g.

This is one of my ears with 8g tunnels in my first, and a 12g pincer in my second.  I switched from the pincer to a 12g tunnel after this, and then continued with my plans, which I tell below.

     I took my hot shower, and massaged my lobes with oil. I lubricated my taper and started to slowly insert it. Then it stopped, and there was too much resistance to risk pushing it (I could end up with ugly damage that takes a long time to heal if I try to force a stretch). I then remembered that the stretch from 10g to 8g had been similar, and I had to do it gradually over a couple of weeks instead. I have abnormally un-stretchy ears (and they like to shrink down quickly if I don't keep jewelry in them, too). I think most people will not have this problem.

     So... I got out the PTFE tape, and wrapped it around each of my steel plugs a couple of times. I soaked them in jojoba oil and inserted them. No problem. My ears are OK with small increases, but are not stretchy enough to go up a size at a time. (In case you're confused, 8g is smaller than 6g, these are measured like wire gauges). The last time I stretched, I could increase a little bit every 3 or 4 days, and I made it to 8g fairly quickly. I've since learned that I should wait a week between the small increases. I'm hoping I'll have no problem going up to 6g.

     I plan to keep my firsts at 6g over the summer, and then decide about going bigger (I'm thinking of 4g as the possible final size). I plan to stretch my seconds from 12g to 10g after a month. Then I will stay at 10g for the rest of the summer. In the fall I'll stretch my seconds up to 8g. That will be the final size for my seconds, as I think they will look nice at that size, and I have a lot of 8g jewelry. If I get thirds (14g), I'll have them done after I finish stretching my other piercings and they have had time to heal.

:)

Spicy Squirrels

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Originally written on May 3, 2012

     What!? I am sitting on my couch, looking through my front window, and there is a squirrel at my bird feeder. Eating hot pepper suet. Seriously?? I went outside to watch. There are at least 5 squirrels out there, and one of them is repeatedly climbing up to my feeder and eating that stuff! I thought they weren't supposed to like hot chillies.

     Maybe I should give up. I initially put regular bird seed in my bird feeder. It attracted mostly cardinals and squirrels. Soon the squirrels would empty the feeder by the afternoon. I switched to those white safflower seeds. It said on the packaging that squirrels don't like it. At first it worked! I had birds and no squirrels. Eventually a squirrel started hanging around eating the safflower seeds, but it wasn't too bad. Well, the last time I bought a bag of safflower seeds, I ended up with a group of squirrels, that indeed were eating the safflower seeds! They again were emptying the feeder by the afternoon, sometimes in only a few hours.

     So the last time I went shopping I saw hot chili pepper suet pellets. I was sure the squirrels would not like it. I mixed safflower seeds and hot pepper suet pellets together in my bird feeder. The squirrels took the whole day to empty my feeder, but I thought maybe they just dumped all of the pellets on the ground and didn't eat them.

     Today I put only hot chili pepper suet in my bird feeder. The squirrels were all there watching me. As soon as I stepped back a big female climbed up and took a pellet. I thought she did not like it because she made a very odd sound after eating it. Then she went back up and hung upside down with her face in the pellets. Eating them and making the occasional odd sound. Still, I think she may be the only one eating them. The others made a huge fuss climbing all over my windows for 5 minutes, and then left. That one squirrel is the only one still out there. Calmly sitting on my bird feeder eating hot pepper suet pellets.

     I do like squirrels, I just don't want them using up my bird feed so fast. I have thought about getting one of those more expensive bird feeders that squirrels supposedly can't get into, and then feed the squirrels separately so they don't try to find a way into the bird feeder.

     After all, one squirrel started eating the safflower seeds and others eventually picked it up, so I suspect the others might do the same with the hot chili pepper suet. Update: not 5 minutes have passed and there is now a second squirrel trying the hot pepper suet pellets. Now the two squirrels are squabbling on my window. I'm glad the claws on glass sound doesn't bother me, I suspect it would send some people up the wall.

A cell phone photo of a squirrel outside my window, with a hot chili pepper suet pellet in it's mouth.

:)

ETA:  I have noticed this is far and away my most popular post, which has made me wonder if my title has led people to think there might be a very interesting recipe in this post!  Sorry if I have disappointed anyone.  This webpage actually does have a recipe for squirrel.

CSA Farm Share Loss

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Bummer!

     I feel deflated. I just got news that the organic farm I buy my produce directly from is closing. Not just for the summer, but forever. I had finally gotten a space this year in this farm, after years of wanting to get into a CSA. Now they are closing.  They say they can not charge enough to keep going. That no one would buy the produce if they charged what they need to keep in business. I would have paid more if I had to, but I realize most people would not.

     I loved it. Gorgeous fresh organic produce. I drove to the farm to pick it up. It was so much fresher than what's in the grocery store. I could speak to the farmer. I knew that there were no odd freshness coatings on the food. It tasted amazing. I even liked some of the vegetables that I had previously disliked.

My first bag of fresh produce from the farm.

     I loathe the thought of having to go back to the grocery store for my vegetables. I know of one other local organic farm, but it is not having openings and the waiting list is long. I have no outdoor property to grow food on. I know there are a couple of organic farmer's markets around, but they are only partly local. I find plenty of produce in them with stickers. I want my vegetables fresh and organic. Picked fresh and in my hands. Not picked fresh, then cleaned and packaged and shipped to the area where I live, for me to buy a week or more later. I suppose it's back to the CSA hunt for me.

     I am doing what I can in my little condo. I have a small square foot garden on my patio, a half barrel of tomatoes on my front door step, and a small grape vine in a large container hiding behind the bushes in the front of my window. I put a bucket out when it rains to collect rainwater for watering my plants. I also have a hidden compost bin, hidden because my condo association doesn't allow it; and they aren't happy about my veggie growing, either. I suppose in the future they will probably change the potted plants rule to specify 'ornamental plants only'.  I can't wait to have my own land to grow food on.

     Back to the closing farm... Next week they are allowing their members to go to the farm and harvest whatever is left, for free. I will make the most of that. I'm going as soon as they open on Monday. I plan to fill my freezer with greens to use in green smoothies. Get my favorite vegetables to cook with. Gather delicious herbs... which I will probably end up drying. I'm out of dried catnip, so I hope they have some catnip left (no, I don't have cats, I'll explain why I use catnip in a future post).

     On the plus side, I did recently find a local source of fresh pastured eggs! Yay! I eat a lot of eggs.

:)

Update: I started aggressively searching for new options, and just sent an e-mail to a farmer. I hope it works out!

Another extra note:  I just realized that saying the farm closes over the summer might sound backwards to a lot of people, but I live in a hot climate, our growing season is during the fall, winter, and spring.

ETA:  I got a response from the farmer I e-mailed and it looks good.  She even said she will teach me to raise chickens free of charge (I asked)!

Spoons

-->I originally wrote this entry on May 1, 2012. That was before I started this blog, and as mentioned in my first post, it was written in the notes app on my iPhone. This post is more easily understood if you are familiar with 'Spoon Theory'. Spoon Theory is not actually a theory, rather it is a story that helps healthy people to understand the situation of a person with a chronic illness a little better. I am not chronically ill, but I identified with that situation before I figured out that gluten was causing my degrading health (and somewhat still identify with it while I'm healing). You can read the Spoon Theory story here: Spoon Theory by Christine Miserandino.

      This is not normal. I live in Florida, I'm young, it's 78°F in my house, and I'm fully overdressed and under a cozy blanket and a comforter. No, I don't have a fever. I think I ran out of spoons. I thought, since last week I went back to a gluten free diet, that I could go back to my normal workout schedule. I had gotten sicker and sicker during my 6 weeks of eating gluten for my medical tests, and had to drop off activities one by one. I was highly optimistic that I would quickly recover and be back to normal in no time. I enthusiastically did a workout on Sunday, and then another one on Monday.

     This morning (Tuesday), when running up the stairs to get a shirt for my daughter, my leg muscles said “no”. They were exhausted and I had to walk the last few steps. I decided I didn't have the energy to take my daughter to school by bicycle, so I drove to the park next to the school and walked her there. Walking back to my car was exhausting. It was not far, only about a block worth of distance to cross the school building and the edge of the lake to my car. I felt like I might collapse. Thankfully I made it back home with no such embarrassing incident occurring.

     I managed to make breakfast for myself (a green smoothie and an egg). I know the ice cold smoothies make me feel cold, but I typically recover after about 15 minutes. This time I didn't. Twenty minutes later I was still shivering. I added a sweatshirt to my attire, but it wasn't enough. I crawled upstairs to my bed. First, I put my soft blanket over my body, then pulled my comforter over my body, too. That was a little better. I was still shivering a little, but it slowly got better. Now, over an hour later, I am finally feeling comfortable. I spent all that time shivering in a curled up ball under the blankets.

     Of course this upsets me. I think of myself as tough and physically fit. But here I am, weak, sickly, tired. How can I admit this to anyone? I have trouble even admitting this to myself. This shouldn't be me. All I can hope is that my gut will eventually heal from the damage eating gluten has caused me, and that my body will start to absorb nutrients better. Probably one of the biggest contributors to my scant energy levels (and previously unmentioned hair loss issues) is my low ferritin. I strongly believe the damage from gluten has caused my ferritin to end up low. I really hope I can fix it.

For the record... it was about 2 hours before I actually started to feel too warm under all of those blankets and could resume my normal activities, minus martial arts practice. It's been just over one month since that incident, and thankfully that was my worst 'shivering with cold' episode. It's all slowly getting better.

:)

Temptation to Stretch

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Originally written on May 31, 2012

Right now I have 4 piercings (2 in each ear). My primary lobe piercings are stretched to 8 gauge (8g). My secondary lobe piercings are 14g.

I started out like many girls do, getting my ears pierced with a piercing gun by a teenage employee in some shop. In my case, it was a hair salon in the small town I grew up in. I was 11 or 12 when I had it done. Later, around age 16, I got the desire to get second holes in my ears, but couldn't afford it. I split the cost with a friend and we each got one ear done. So then I had one earring in my right ear, and two in my left.

I loved my second piercing, but it gave me so much trouble. It was always getting infected and never seemed to heal right. So I let it close over.

Fast forward a few years, and I found myself being given earrings that would not fit! I didn't know what to do. I had never heard of earring gauges, or of stretching piercings. The Internet wasn't big back then either, so the thought of searching about what to do did not cross my mind.

Now, what I decided to do was bad, so I am preceding it with the familiar statement: Don't try this at home! Or anywhere, really. I took a bunch of thin sewing needles and, one by one, inserted them through my ear holes, blunt end first. I did this over several hours, but none the less, it did hurt a little by the end. I kept placing the end of the earring post over the needle tips until the fit was correct. I doused my ears in rubbing alcohol and pushed the earring posts against the needle tips. As the posts went through my ears, they pushed the sewing needles out the back. It worked! I was wearing the new earrings (they were Indian earrings, from my mother in law). 

Below is a photo comparison of a 20g earring and a 14g Indian earring.

I had to leave the new 14g earrings in for a long time. Even so, the holes would not accept me just pushing those blunt posts through (the posts were hollow and internally threaded, and the backs screwed into the posts). I had to cut little pointed tips out of plastic water bottle lids to insert in the posts to get the earrings in. After several years like that, my ears started getting irritated.  Possibly because I sometimes got lazy about using the plastic tips, and a couple of the earrings were slightly larger, approximately 13g.  I remember one day, after forcing in the 13g earrings, one of my friends pointed out that my ears looked red and swollen.

Then one day I was reading a forum page about piercings, and I was introduced to the concept of stretching, and of wearing earrings of different gauges. I learned that I had been wearing 20g and 18g earrings years ago, and that most of my Indian earrings are 14g. I decided to do something different. I decided to stretch my ears to 8g. I did it, again wrong, but not as wrong as I could have. I used pincers, and slowly inserted them over days until the centers (the fullest part) were in my ears. I would then leave them, held in place with tiny o-rings, until I felt they were healed, and move on to the next size. It was a very pain-free way to do it, but I did not really give myself the healing time between sizes that I should have. I also should not have used pincers. The proper way to move up in size is to do it (one size at a time, no skipping) with tapers and plugs (or by wrapping plugs with PFTE tape or Bondage tape a little at a time to slowly increase the size). 

About a year after I was comfortably at 8g, I began to miss my old second hole. So I went to get seconds done again. This time I did it right. I researched and found a good professional piercer. I was too scared to get pierced at 14g (what the piercer recommended), and had it done at 16g instead. The best way- with a needle.

In the end my piercer was right. I did like 14g better, so a few months after my seconds were healed, I stretched them to 14g.

My problem now is that I am itching for something bigger than 8g. 8g looks too small for the fat fleshiness of my earlobes. But then, I have so much amazing 8g jewelry, I would then have to stretch my seconds to 8g, which tempts me to go for third holes in my lobes (yes, there's just enough room for thirds, well spaced, before I hit cartilage). If I did that I would get it pierced straight to 14g this time.

So there is my problem. I am being lured by temptation. 

:)

My Comment Policy

     I am accustomed to YouTube, where I set my sites up so that only approved comments get posted. On YouTube I will post comments that I disagree with, but I will not post comments that are abusive or filled with foul language. This really helps to discourage trolls. I am happy that I found the option to moderate comments here too.  I have set up the comments here so that I moderate them before they are published.  Please do not be discouraged by that, and read my comment policy below. 

So, here is my comment policy:

I welcome comments that are nice, that are thoughtfully written, that are constructive or helpful. I will delete comments that are abusive.

For example: If a comment states, "I noticed a grammar error in your second sentence....(description of what I did wrong & how to fix it)", I will be thankful and will keep that comment. On the other hand, had the comment said, "Your grammar sucks", I would consider that unhelpful and rude, and I would delete it.

The same goes for opinions. You may disagree with an opinion I post in my blog and want to let me know you disagree. That is fine, as long as you write your opinion in a thoughtful and polite manner. 

Also, obviously, no spam.

:)

The First Post

This is my first blog post. I must admit that my intent with this post is to simply post something so that I can then work on making this blog look the way I want it to. I am new to this, therefore I may take time to get it right.

So, why don't I tell what prompted me to start a blog? It started with writing about how I felt one morning, in the notes app on my iPhone. I was having strange health issues that morning, and although writing about it did not make me feel better, it did offer some level of comfort. I liked that morsel of comfort, thus, whenever I felt like writing about something, I did so.

At the end of the week I noticed that I had quite a few short stories in my notes app, and when I scrolled down through them it reminded me of a blog. That was part one. Part two was that I recently joined Google+, and when browsing the features I noticed Blogger. That made it easy, so I decided to start a blog.

I suppose I should also give a proper introduction. I am currently a 36 year old stay at home mother. I have one daughter, and have been married for almost 15 years. I have a few college degrees (AA, 2 BS degrees, and a MS degree), and love to learn new things. I have never kept a job for long because I get bored with them very quickly. I did like doing research, though, and I was fine with teaching the lab class I taught for a couple of years. Research was the best, to me, because it had enough change to keep it interesting. That was in my past.  Now, when I am not busy with my daughter, I practice martial arts, work on getting better in horseback riding, paint or draw, and exercise. I am also learning to cook new things, because I recently had to start a gluten free diet. It will have to be a lifelong diet for me.

Now I am off to mess with the appearance settings of this blog!

:)