Bralessness- an update

     Hello again! It is now late in October and I last wore a bra in April. When I first stopped wearing bras (primarily for comfort reasons) I switched to shelf camisoles. They were a good transition because they have a double layer of cloth in the chest area, and only a light band of elastic (which is not nearly as uncomfortable as a bra band). They also work under shirts or sweaters in situations where a high level of modesty is desired (the darker the color, the less shows; for example, my black camisoles look almost like I have some kind of bra on, but my lavender camisoles show my nipples and some of my breast shape quite obviously).

     I used shelf camisoles all summer, including on my vacations (First a trip to Minnesota, then a big trip to the UK, Denmark, Norway, Sweden, and Finland, with a final stop in Amsterdam).  The camisoles work great under my uniform in martial arts class, and work fine as a stand alone shirt any time it's hot out. They provided me with a gradual increase in my confidence. Gradually letting me get used to my nipples being noticeable (but not as noticeable as with only one layer of cloth), and smooshing my breasts just enough to obscure their natural shape (because I am still working on getting used to natural breast shape over the artificial shape seen almost everywhere). They allowed enough movement that I experienced some benefits of bralessness, like a massive reduction in pre-menstrual breast soreness, and a firming up of my breast tissue.  I also no longer get a sweat rash between my breasts (I used to get that even though I am not ample enough to have cleavage).

     There were no problems over the summer with my choice of clothing from other people, either. I was mentally prepared for issues, because my choice to go braless goes against the mainstream. But then, I've never been one for going with the mainstream. Anyway, I am happy to report no problems (unless you would count the guy I crossed on the running path, who looked very happy about crossing me, as a problem- I don't count that as a problem).

A new development:

     Recently I have been getting annoyed by the light elastic band in my shelf camisoles, so I decided to ditch those too (well, I might just cut the shelf liner out of my favorites). It feels so freeing to have nothing constricting my chest. When I was walking to pick my daughter up from school on the first day that I went outside with only one layer of cloth between my breasts and the outside world, I thought “Wow, this feels so comfortable, I bet my upper body feels as comfortable as a man's right now.” Yes, that's really the thought that went through my mind, a few times. I was just amazed at how good it felt. Especially when the breeze entered my shirt sleeve for a moment (I was wearing a nerdy regular T-shirt, not a fitted T-shirt).

     Another benefit I have just noticed, is that what looked like a permanent dent around my ribcage where my bra-strap used to sit, has disappeared. My back looks smooth with clean lines now. Now all that's left is to get more used to my natural breast shape since, obviously, they did not grow in the shape that bras tend to push breasts into. That bra-induced shape is what I've seen on myself for so many years now (especially in the last few years, when I had more expensive bras), it's an adjustment that may take a little time, but my comfort and health are so important.  Bralessness is permanently a part of me now (I admit I may, on some years, use a bra as part of a Halloween costume, just like I sometimes wear a corset at the Renaissance Fair).  I have listed below some links that contain useful information about going brafree, including the health benefits.

Please keep my comment policy in mind if you wish to leave a comment. :)

http://goingbraless.net/  (If you plan to go braless, the forum is supportive and has useful information).

http://www.brafree.org/research.html  (Scroll down for lists of research article references).

http://www.007b.com/  (This site also has photo galleries of natural breasts- a great counter to the flood of commercialized images we are typically exposed to).

On Bralessness

Note: This was originally written in May, 2012.

     Yep. No bra. I am not wearing a bra today. I haven't worn one for three weeks. Not even in my little black dress which I wore to a Broadway show.

     Guess what? My breasts are starting to feel fuller, and look more even. I am not worried about future sagging. Bra or no bra, we all get old eventually and then everything will go south no matter what. I have actually seen, in person, tribal women who have never worn bras. There was nothing wrong with their breasts; and when considering different age groups, I saw no difference there with what I have seen in gym locker rooms in this country (not counting artificial breasts of course, I'm only talking about natural breasts here).

     So why should I wear a bra? To hide my nipples? Why? Everyone has nipples. They are normal. Sure, a few people get freaked out by them, and I'm sure some guys won't be able to take their eyes off of them. But, I don't think those are good enough reasons for me to go back to wearing a bra. I am not here to please other people's eyes, nor do I wish to be uncomfortable to prevent random males from ogling at me. To prevent sagging? That's not even true (that bras will prevent sagging), and there is even some evidence that sagging will happen sooner if bras are worn.

     After two weeks of not wearing a bra, I tried on one of my favorite bras. I used to wear it all the time (and indeed it is pretty- a nice silk one I bought in London). It was almost unbearably uncomfortable! Even my loosest sports bras felt very uncomfortable. It reminded me of those early insults to my being. First, when my mom said "You have to start putting on a shirt when you go outside!” She said something about getting older, and upcoming puberty... I really don't remember everything she said because I felt crushed when I heard that I could no longer run around shirtless like the boys. It felt like the end of my freedom. The second blow was the training bra. I hated it. It was so uncomfortable and held sweat against my skin. It did it's job. Through being forced to wear that awful thing I eventually came to accept wearing a bra. I wore them all through my teens and twenties, though they never fit right. The cups were never the right shape for my very firm unsquishable breasts, and the band always rode up my back.

     After I had a baby at age 30, I had a much bigger cup size (I breastfed), but the same band size. Finding a fitting nursing bra was impossible!  After weaning, my breasts went back to the exact size they were before, except they were not super firm anymore, I could squish them into bra cups. Eventually I also figured out my real bra size: 30D. No wonder those 34B's never fit right. The fitters in the US almost always told me 34B, by the way, unless the store had 32C's, in which case the fitter would then tell me that my size was 32C. I was properly fitted at a specialty bra shop in London. If you are from the US, you would be utterly amazed by the range of bra sizes they have.

     Anyway, I went a little off course there, now back to the topic of not wearing a bra. I have gone braless for a few martial arts classes (punching & kicking, and grappling), horseback riding, and some jogging. I have done the first four ZWOWs (can be found on this YouTube channel) with no bra, with jumping jacks for warming up. No issues. No pain, no unpleasant bouncing. I suspected that would be the case, because in the fall I ran the Bare Dare in nothing but running shoes. It was not a problem for me at all.

     I understand that we are all different, and there will always be some women who prefer to wear a bra, and that's totally fine. I think it is also totally fine to go braless, and I think that it should always be a valid and accepted choice.

I realize this is a sensitive topic for some.  Please keep my comment policy in mind if you decide to leave a comment.

:)

Star Wars Weekends

Note: I wrote this a few months before posting it.

Oh boy, I love being a nerd!  I don't live too far from Disney World, and the last few weekends have been Star Wars Weekends at Hollywood Studios.  Yay!  The whole family enjoys it.  On the first weekend that we went, we saw the Darth Maul show (called "Visit to the Mall").  I was afraid my daughter would be bored with it, but she loved it.  She was on the edge of her seat, and became a big Darth Maul fan by the end of it.  I really wish I had video recorded her reenacting some of Darth Maul's moves with a toy double-ended light saber.  She did a great job!  It looked extra cool because I had her hair in two round high buns (not the same style that many associate with Princess Leia).

We also went on Star Tours many times.  I was absolutely thrilled that I was the rebel spy on one of the rides.  It was even a great photo (I had a cool suspicious look because I was trying to find the camera).  It got even better because the incoming transmission was from Yoda.  Those 3D glasses made it look like Yoda was pointing right at me.  That was so cool!  After that particular ride I had my fun extended because of a child.  I heard a little boy behind me asking his mom who the rebel spy was.  His mom pointed to me as I turned my head to look at him.  He gasped with surprise, so I just smiled and turned my head back to the front.  I managed to keep myself from giggling as I overheard the kid asking his mom all kinds of questions about me.  He was young enough to really believe the ride was real and that I really was a rebel spy.  It was so fun.

The next weekend that we went I wore my hair in the style Princess Leia wears on cloud city, when they encounter Vader.  It looks like a bun with two looped braids under it.  This time we watched the celebrity motorcade in the morning, and then spent time enjoying the characters and taking nerdy photos with them.  The only bad time was when I was getting my photo with Darth Vader.  My daughter was terrified that I was in a line to 'meet' Darth Vader, and she cried for most of that time, thinking Vader would do something bad to me (my husband took her to see other things, but she was still worried about me).  I thought that was funny that she loves Darth Maul and Ventress, but is terrified of Darth Vader.  I did give her plenty of comforting and reassurance after I got my photos with Darth Vader.

The third time we went to the Star Wars Weekend event, my husband was the rebel spy on one of the Star Tours rides.  He got the incoming transmission from Admiral Ackbar.  He enjoyed it, but now our daughter is getting really eager to be the rebel spy on that ride.  Our last visit is coming up at the end of this week.  We just have the Florida Resident Seasonal Passes, which have blackout dates for pretty much any day that kids have off from school.  That means we can't go for the entire summer,  during spring break, and during major holidays.  Oh well, I will enjoy what I can.

:)
June 4, 2012

Temptation Won

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     Today I got my latest BAF (Body Art Forms) order! I am stretching my 14g seconds up to 12g (actually, they were already ready for the 12g size due to the earrings I had in them for the last month being prominent, and therefore moving around a lot). So that part was easy. Since I didn't really have to stretch my seconds, I decided to stretch my firsts. 8g to 6g is much bigger of an increase than 14g to 12g.

This is one of my ears with 8g tunnels in my first, and a 12g pincer in my second.  I switched from the pincer to a 12g tunnel after this, and then continued with my plans, which I tell below.

     I took my hot shower, and massaged my lobes with oil. I lubricated my taper and started to slowly insert it. Then it stopped, and there was too much resistance to risk pushing it (I could end up with ugly damage that takes a long time to heal if I try to force a stretch). I then remembered that the stretch from 10g to 8g had been similar, and I had to do it gradually over a couple of weeks instead. I have abnormally un-stretchy ears (and they like to shrink down quickly if I don't keep jewelry in them, too). I think most people will not have this problem.

     So... I got out the PTFE tape, and wrapped it around each of my steel plugs a couple of times. I soaked them in jojoba oil and inserted them. No problem. My ears are OK with small increases, but are not stretchy enough to go up a size at a time. (In case you're confused, 8g is smaller than 6g, these are measured like wire gauges). The last time I stretched, I could increase a little bit every 3 or 4 days, and I made it to 8g fairly quickly. I've since learned that I should wait a week between the small increases. I'm hoping I'll have no problem going up to 6g.

     I plan to keep my firsts at 6g over the summer, and then decide about going bigger (I'm thinking of 4g as the possible final size). I plan to stretch my seconds from 12g to 10g after a month. Then I will stay at 10g for the rest of the summer. In the fall I'll stretch my seconds up to 8g. That will be the final size for my seconds, as I think they will look nice at that size, and I have a lot of 8g jewelry. If I get thirds (14g), I'll have them done after I finish stretching my other piercings and they have had time to heal.

:)

Spicy Squirrels

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Originally written on May 3, 2012

     What!? I am sitting on my couch, looking through my front window, and there is a squirrel at my bird feeder. Eating hot pepper suet. Seriously?? I went outside to watch. There are at least 5 squirrels out there, and one of them is repeatedly climbing up to my feeder and eating that stuff! I thought they weren't supposed to like hot chillies.

     Maybe I should give up. I initially put regular bird seed in my bird feeder. It attracted mostly cardinals and squirrels. Soon the squirrels would empty the feeder by the afternoon. I switched to those white safflower seeds. It said on the packaging that squirrels don't like it. At first it worked! I had birds and no squirrels. Eventually a squirrel started hanging around eating the safflower seeds, but it wasn't too bad. Well, the last time I bought a bag of safflower seeds, I ended up with a group of squirrels, that indeed were eating the safflower seeds! They again were emptying the feeder by the afternoon, sometimes in only a few hours.

     So the last time I went shopping I saw hot chili pepper suet pellets. I was sure the squirrels would not like it. I mixed safflower seeds and hot pepper suet pellets together in my bird feeder. The squirrels took the whole day to empty my feeder, but I thought maybe they just dumped all of the pellets on the ground and didn't eat them.

     Today I put only hot chili pepper suet in my bird feeder. The squirrels were all there watching me. As soon as I stepped back a big female climbed up and took a pellet. I thought she did not like it because she made a very odd sound after eating it. Then she went back up and hung upside down with her face in the pellets. Eating them and making the occasional odd sound. Still, I think she may be the only one eating them. The others made a huge fuss climbing all over my windows for 5 minutes, and then left. That one squirrel is the only one still out there. Calmly sitting on my bird feeder eating hot pepper suet pellets.

     I do like squirrels, I just don't want them using up my bird feed so fast. I have thought about getting one of those more expensive bird feeders that squirrels supposedly can't get into, and then feed the squirrels separately so they don't try to find a way into the bird feeder.

     After all, one squirrel started eating the safflower seeds and others eventually picked it up, so I suspect the others might do the same with the hot chili pepper suet. Update: not 5 minutes have passed and there is now a second squirrel trying the hot pepper suet pellets. Now the two squirrels are squabbling on my window. I'm glad the claws on glass sound doesn't bother me, I suspect it would send some people up the wall.

A cell phone photo of a squirrel outside my window, with a hot chili pepper suet pellet in it's mouth.

:)

ETA:  I have noticed this is far and away my most popular post, which has made me wonder if my title has led people to think there might be a very interesting recipe in this post!  Sorry if I have disappointed anyone.  This webpage actually does have a recipe for squirrel.

CSA Farm Share Loss

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Bummer!

     I feel deflated. I just got news that the organic farm I buy my produce directly from is closing. Not just for the summer, but forever. I had finally gotten a space this year in this farm, after years of wanting to get into a CSA. Now they are closing.  They say they can not charge enough to keep going. That no one would buy the produce if they charged what they need to keep in business. I would have paid more if I had to, but I realize most people would not.

     I loved it. Gorgeous fresh organic produce. I drove to the farm to pick it up. It was so much fresher than what's in the grocery store. I could speak to the farmer. I knew that there were no odd freshness coatings on the food. It tasted amazing. I even liked some of the vegetables that I had previously disliked.

My first bag of fresh produce from the farm.

     I loathe the thought of having to go back to the grocery store for my vegetables. I know of one other local organic farm, but it is not having openings and the waiting list is long. I have no outdoor property to grow food on. I know there are a couple of organic farmer's markets around, but they are only partly local. I find plenty of produce in them with stickers. I want my vegetables fresh and organic. Picked fresh and in my hands. Not picked fresh, then cleaned and packaged and shipped to the area where I live, for me to buy a week or more later. I suppose it's back to the CSA hunt for me.

     I am doing what I can in my little condo. I have a small square foot garden on my patio, a half barrel of tomatoes on my front door step, and a small grape vine in a large container hiding behind the bushes in the front of my window. I put a bucket out when it rains to collect rainwater for watering my plants. I also have a hidden compost bin, hidden because my condo association doesn't allow it; and they aren't happy about my veggie growing, either. I suppose in the future they will probably change the potted plants rule to specify 'ornamental plants only'.  I can't wait to have my own land to grow food on.

     Back to the closing farm... Next week they are allowing their members to go to the farm and harvest whatever is left, for free. I will make the most of that. I'm going as soon as they open on Monday. I plan to fill my freezer with greens to use in green smoothies. Get my favorite vegetables to cook with. Gather delicious herbs... which I will probably end up drying. I'm out of dried catnip, so I hope they have some catnip left (no, I don't have cats, I'll explain why I use catnip in a future post).

     On the plus side, I did recently find a local source of fresh pastured eggs! Yay! I eat a lot of eggs.

:)

Update: I started aggressively searching for new options, and just sent an e-mail to a farmer. I hope it works out!

Another extra note:  I just realized that saying the farm closes over the summer might sound backwards to a lot of people, but I live in a hot climate, our growing season is during the fall, winter, and spring.

ETA:  I got a response from the farmer I e-mailed and it looks good.  She even said she will teach me to raise chickens free of charge (I asked)!

Spoons

-->I originally wrote this entry on May 1, 2012. That was before I started this blog, and as mentioned in my first post, it was written in the notes app on my iPhone. This post is more easily understood if you are familiar with 'Spoon Theory'. Spoon Theory is not actually a theory, rather it is a story that helps healthy people to understand the situation of a person with a chronic illness a little better. I am not chronically ill, but I identified with that situation before I figured out that gluten was causing my degrading health (and somewhat still identify with it while I'm healing). You can read the Spoon Theory story here: Spoon Theory by Christine Miserandino.

      This is not normal. I live in Florida, I'm young, it's 78°F in my house, and I'm fully overdressed and under a cozy blanket and a comforter. No, I don't have a fever. I think I ran out of spoons. I thought, since last week I went back to a gluten free diet, that I could go back to my normal workout schedule. I had gotten sicker and sicker during my 6 weeks of eating gluten for my medical tests, and had to drop off activities one by one. I was highly optimistic that I would quickly recover and be back to normal in no time. I enthusiastically did a workout on Sunday, and then another one on Monday.

     This morning (Tuesday), when running up the stairs to get a shirt for my daughter, my leg muscles said “no”. They were exhausted and I had to walk the last few steps. I decided I didn't have the energy to take my daughter to school by bicycle, so I drove to the park next to the school and walked her there. Walking back to my car was exhausting. It was not far, only about a block worth of distance to cross the school building and the edge of the lake to my car. I felt like I might collapse. Thankfully I made it back home with no such embarrassing incident occurring.

     I managed to make breakfast for myself (a green smoothie and an egg). I know the ice cold smoothies make me feel cold, but I typically recover after about 15 minutes. This time I didn't. Twenty minutes later I was still shivering. I added a sweatshirt to my attire, but it wasn't enough. I crawled upstairs to my bed. First, I put my soft blanket over my body, then pulled my comforter over my body, too. That was a little better. I was still shivering a little, but it slowly got better. Now, over an hour later, I am finally feeling comfortable. I spent all that time shivering in a curled up ball under the blankets.

     Of course this upsets me. I think of myself as tough and physically fit. But here I am, weak, sickly, tired. How can I admit this to anyone? I have trouble even admitting this to myself. This shouldn't be me. All I can hope is that my gut will eventually heal from the damage eating gluten has caused me, and that my body will start to absorb nutrients better. Probably one of the biggest contributors to my scant energy levels (and previously unmentioned hair loss issues) is my low ferritin. I strongly believe the damage from gluten has caused my ferritin to end up low. I really hope I can fix it.

For the record... it was about 2 hours before I actually started to feel too warm under all of those blankets and could resume my normal activities, minus martial arts practice. It's been just over one month since that incident, and thankfully that was my worst 'shivering with cold' episode. It's all slowly getting better.

:)